I fell ill within two months of my ordination. I found it difficult to have ahar and would throw up soon after. Acharya Maharaj kept a watch over the proceedings of ahar. Even from a distance, he would constantly shower his grace on me. Once, at the outset of ahar, I had a suspicion that there was a strand of hair in my cupped hands. The shravaks, in unison, tried to convince me otherwise. Perhaps, they had uttered a falsehood out of concern for my illness. In that crucial moment of decision, I looked up to Acharya Maharaj who was standing close by, but he turned his face away.
I thought that he was saying to me, “You have taken the great vow. Eshana-samit is your essential attribute. It is for you to decide. Your conduct should be like that of a lion, who does not seek help from any one."
What was there for me to decide? The strand of hair was very much there. The pollution warranted termination of the ahar, as the scriptures ordain. Acharya Maharaj smiled and blessed me profusely. I passed the day in peace in spite of the illness.
Acharya Maharaj had done us a great favour by giving us this object lesson on the meaning of self-discipline as well as true affection.
Nainagiri (1982)
Eshana-saniti – Observance of utmost vigilance while accepting ahar to ensure that it is impeccable and untainted by violence of any kind. This is one of the essential attributes of a sadhu.
Edited by Vidyasagar.Guru